Holidays can be filled with both joy and stress especially for your eating disorder recovery process. Holidays mean additional gatherings which usually include comfort foods and difficult social or political topics. It is common to have general conversation about diets, year-end goals, and resolutions. If it is December, the season of events cover weeks rather than a single special day. For individuals with an eating disorder, this can be a time of increased anxiety.

Top 3 Tips for coping with holidays:

1. Stack up on Support: Plan ahead on what is known in your schedule. Take your calendar now and plan pockets of time that you label “breathe” or a word that gives you focus. Take a walk, have a cup of tea, or use self-soothing techniques.

Have you seen your support team lately? Ensure you see your therapist, dietitian, and supportive persons. Have agreements with who to call for support when staff are on vacation. Before your appointments write down those questions that challenge you. Start your therapy sessions with these questions. “What I fear most about this year’s office party is a buffet line.”

Practice tonight in front of your mirror; your delivery of a short 5-10 word response to some future challenging conversation. Be willing to repeat it and end it with “Thank you. Merry Christmas. Good-bye”. Smile. Turn and leave the room.

Give yourself permission to know when to just excuse yourself and walk away when you are overwhelmed and need to leave. Give yourself applause and personal praise, as you exit a negative conversation but if possible find a new conversation. Remember to quote to yourself a positive phrase or scripture. Before you depart wish hosts a Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukah or just Thank You. It is not about doing it perfectly it is about being present. It is about having courage to stretch yourself toward your goal. Instead of making an excuse and not attend the party, seek to attend half. Honor your effort.

Some phrases you might consider:

· That was hard, yet I am kind, I am gracious, I have integrity.
· My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Corinthians 6:19-2)
· I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)
· I am brave for doing this work and facing my food fears.
· I can eat healthily and when I have a tough day I will forgive myself.
· Foods are not “good” or “bad.” I can eat about a half a cup just for pleasure, and have a healthy diet.
· I need to depart now. Record your emotions and impressions of a food focus event. Ask yourself if you stretched yourself in a character-building way at the event.
· This is not a “should” or “could” zone. Declare it to you and honor what you are able to complete.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries.

As a national culture and as individuals we all need boundaries. They keep us healthy, setting reasonable, observable goals as we end one year and plan for the next. Consider future conversations with friends and family members. If you are going to spend an hour or a day with a given group what are the top 5-10 topics that might come up and be a challenge to you. Explore what makes you anxious and what 5 coping skills to use. Find your limits and clearly set them. Here are some phrases to consider.

· I believe in guilt-free eating, none of these (cookies) are stolen are they? Humor is helpful for you and the others at an event. You do not need to be the life of the party; you just need to break the ice.
· I declare….statements give you permission and set boundaries for diet-free spaces and like-minded friends.
· Change the conversation. Seek to not use put-downs when asserting your need to be free of the diet culture. Affirm your friends’ desire to talk about it their diet but offer a change of topic.
· Make a list of what you are thankful or grateful for today. Ie: enough food, treasured memories, and time with those you love.
· What is an interesting topic that you can bring to share to increase the cranial capacity of your holiday scene?

3. Practice Self-care.

I use the eating disorders Intuitive Therapy program (EDIT). It’s roots for repairing the connection and love to yourself reside in compassion, credibility, and congruence. It is common for us to guilt or shame ourselves for feeling anxious around the holiday. Look around you. It seems everyone has some stress or anxiety. Just remember to breathe and visualize a joyful moment.

Self-care is essential. I encourage you to create a self-care or spa basket here are a few ideas: bath fizzies, bath bombs a bath pillow to read a book, comics, a candle, tea, nail polish, have a manicure or massage, put in a miniature of your pet to cue you to take them for a walk, a crossword puzzle, a favorite CD, a journal. Create a list and add on things you might like to try from all four seasons: to hike, garden, photograph fall leaves, or make a snowman.

4. Be patient with yourself.

No matter what is on the agenda make the time work for you. Plan ahead, set the limits that work for you today and be compassionate to yourself. Just reading this is growing you.

Be brave. We live life one day at a time. Contact Gena Hepworth LCSW here.